I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
