My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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