I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
