look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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