bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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