my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
