So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
