Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
