how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
