The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
