So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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