Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
