why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
