mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
