apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
