How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
