Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
