You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Two words: blizzard sex
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize