im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
