By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
