hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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