i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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