ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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