I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
