His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
this boner is exhausting
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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