The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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