I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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