So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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