I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
