Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
