id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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