"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
True strength comes from lack of pants
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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