on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
