I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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