it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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