She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
