YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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