i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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