Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
