these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
