He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
