so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
