I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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