I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
