yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
