I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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