I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
