i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
