I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
