And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
