If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
